The clouds began to
gather and the rain sprinkled
Down as we pulled
into the cemetery. It’s funny,
How burials are
always rainy and gloomy, like the
Weather is sad too. While
my sister and I walked to
He grave, I told
myself to hold it together as long as
I could. The ground
began to sink in under my feet
From the rain. I was
hoping this would go fast.
My dad was delivering
the eulogy as he began to dig. I kept
My head down the
whole time, hiding my tears. At the
Crack of his voice I
looked up to him cry for the first time.
That was one of the
hardest things to see. The tears falling
Off his face faster
than the rain. He quickly wipes his face
As we make eye
contact. That’s sweet, my dad thinks he
Needs to be strong
for me.
Critical:
I plan on working on my paper a half hour a day from now
until it’s due. I need to include the last two poems and I plan to expand more
on the second poem. I was really glad we did the peer reviews because I wasn’t
sure if I should use Auden, Woolf, Frost, or Eliot and Alex suggested Auden’s
memorable speech essay so that really helped me out. The editing of my paper
also helped because now I can go back and fix what I already had instead of
only getting ideas for the second half of my essay.
I really liked your poem, I have dealt with a similar situation so it seemed very familiar to me and I enjoyed that. I think you could of made it a little bit longer and maybe added some more imagery! But great job
ReplyDeleteI agree it could be a little longer to pull in the reader a little more. I might have had an introductory line building in to the conclusion that made the end go out with a little more of a bang, but good job
ReplyDeleteI like that you can really feel the emotion in this. you have a great line break that explains how you sink into the ground like you are depressed but then you reveal that it is from the rain. Maybe talk about the eulogy a little bit more. I like the ending but it kind of comes to an abrupt stop right when I was getting into the content of the poem.
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteThis is your strongest poem. I especially like the first two lines.
I wonder, though. . .Are burials always gloomy? This is an idea called "The Pathetic Fallacy." So, you can either be clever about that or truthful.
The image of your father digging while eulogizing is also wonderful and sad.
In my opinion, some of the language takes away from the emotional bite, though.
"Hold it together" and "this was the hardest thing" could be charged up, I think.
Really worthwhile!
Dave
I loved the line that talks about gloomy weather on funeral days. When you say its like the sky is sad too, that is a very memorable line... Great work Emily!
ReplyDelete